Another Day, Another Ten Cents

I’d prefer to wake up to a fifteen minute warm shower, but as usual, I’m running late. Now I need a quick fix, a quick wake up call. 

I’m a tough guy – except for when it comes to cold showers, where the cowardice in me takes over. I turn the shower on and stand to the side as I put shampoo on my head and attempt to gain the courage to actually get under the water.  

A voice inside me screams “You whimp! You absolute pansy. Just get under the bloody water – it won’t hurt you.” 

I dip my head under – and immediately jerk it back to safety as I feel the immense pain of that freezing cold water making contact with my body. 

“What the “bloody hell was that!” my inner voice continues. “Just get under and stay under!” 

This time, I put my whole body under. I spend all of five seconds washing my hair, two seconds on my face and two seconds each of my arms, chest and well, other vital body parts which must be clean and fresh to start the day. 

Some say a quick warm shower beats a quick cold shower. I disagree. It’s easy to have a cold shower lasting only sixty seconds. But having to get out of a nice warm shower after just sixty seconds – that’s torture! 

This is one specific variety of a broader range of conditions referred to as I hate getting out of bed syndrome (IHGOOBS).  

Other varieties of the condition include:  

·        I hate getting out of bed and going to school syndrome;   

·        I had too much to drink last night and now I have a hangover syndrome; and  

·        My bed is so comfortable that I just don’t want to get up anyway syndrome. 

Many factors contribute to this condition. These can include:  

·        difficult bosses; 

·        unrealistic workloads;  

·        traffic chaos on the way to work;  

·        excessive drinking the night before; 

·        freezing cold temperatures or wet weather; and  

·        warm and comfortable beds.  

Sufferers typically experience a high degree of physical and mental lethargy at around six or seven o’clock in the morning, particularly on Monday mornings. 

There is no known cure. Those that are unable to manage their condition suffer three known short and long term effects – an inability to arrive at work on time, frequent trips to their local employment service and an unsuccessful career.  

I am yet to learn how to effectively manage my condition and the process of getting up requires an enormous amount of physical and emotional effort on my behalf. 

Let’s see, what time is it? I rub my half open eyes and roll over to check my clock radio. 

Seven fifteen.  

The time half registers somewhere deep within my sub-conscious as I roll back over as if going back to sleep again.  

What day is it today? I roll back over again and check the day – Monday.  Another yawn, and I clear my head and take a second to gather my thoughts.  

Seven fifteen. Monday. Hmmm. 

What? Seven fifteen! Monday!  

All of the sudden I gain semi-consciousness and it hits me. It’s seven fifteen on Monday morning.  

Hang on. Let’s just check. Is that seven fifteen? On Monday? That can’t be right can it?  

I recheck. It is. I’m running late for work – again! 

Many people placed in my situation would instantaneously spring out of bed and rush into a quick shower in order to get ready and arrive at work on time. But not me.  

You see, I suffer from a common medical condition. It’s technically referred to as I hate getting out of bed and going to work syndrome. 

This condition is described in detail in the next post. For now, suffice it to say that I never spring out of bed because: