The story of a day in the life of an unsuccessful office worker

7:18am Wake up Stewie, it’s a great day!

“Ouuuuuugh!” I rub my eyes and take a bigggg stretch.  

Wobblewobblewobblewobble. I shake my head from side to side in a vain attempt to jolt my mind and body into some form of operating functionality. I commence a sluggish amble toward the bathroom.   

Thhhuuddd! Ahhhhhhhh! What the bloody hell was that? Oh. It was that bloody briefcase! I’ve tripped over it and fallen flat on my face. It kills!  

I raise myself up slowly and glance back at the love of my life – my bed. In just sixteen hours, we can be reunited.  

In my imagination, my bed is talking to me. It is saying “Lie back dow-wn! Hey, Stewie, it’s cold out there. Lie back down for a few hours in comfort and warmth. Call in sick today. You can even have one of your favorite Jennifer Anniston dreams!” 

Sounds tempting, but I have to resist. 

Time to face a new week in this wonderful life of mine, where I get to deal with an a*** h*** boss, constant demands from arrogant line managers, zero subordinates, traffic chaos, a nagging mother, massive unpaid debts on car and student loans and zero girlfriends.  

Another exciting week in the life of Stewart Robertson! I can hardly wait. Let me at it!





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